I know, I know, you are already freaking out and saying, “But Jacque, how would things get in my pants?” Stop! Trust me on this one, they will. Bad part is, all sorts of things will get in your pants that you don’t even realize are there until it’s far too late! I have compiled a list of Those Things Which Will Definitely Get In Your Pants – and ways you might deal with them when they happen. It is not, by any means, a complete list. The possibilities are quite endless as are the solutions to said things in your pants problem.
As with all Chicks with Ticks manual entries, we are not responsible if you neglect to follow our suggestions. We would, however, like to hear what happens when you don’t!
Things Which Will Definitely Get In Your Pants – and ways you might deal with them
- Very spiky seeds – simple, reach into your drawers and pick them out when they occur. Please take a good look to make sure these “seeds” don’t have 8 legs!
- Ants – these little f-ers sneak into all sorts of cracks. Even tucking your pant legs is no guarantee….just grab the section of pants they are in and squish. There is a side note here – if these are carpenter ants – take off your damn pants! You don’t want that kind of bite down there! I don’t care if anyone can see you – screw them – they don’t have carpenter ants in their pants.
- Chiggers – duh – everyone seems to know about chiggers. Sad thing is – i didn’t until last year – and it sucked….there is nothing you can do, trust me. You will suffer for a week or two – trust me.
- Weeds – All sorts of weeds will get in there. Mostly you won’t notice these until you go to a real inside bathroom or undress. No big whoop – just dump them out. Remember to wash your hands!
- Beetles – Hell yes they do!! No matter what you say, I know this from personal experience. I also don’t appreciate the fact that Kiran wouldn’t help me take off my friggin pants. I didn’t care that we were on a bridge! That was gross….I still get a chill…it was a big beetle. TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS…get assistance if you can – I freaked out and couldn’t even get my zipper down.
- Giant Water Beetles – these are VERY different from standard beetles. These have a most horrible sting. Too late if they sting you – better do whatever you can to get them out of there.
- Sticks – I still have no idea how the hell sticks get in my pants…..I really don’t know what to say about this one….just get them out.
Special note: When you go to a gas station after being in the field all day, and sit down to go potty, if you realize that all those stings and itches on your behind were from the ants mentioned above, DO NOT SCREAM OUT LOUD – people in line will stare and it is quite embarrassing….and Kiran will tease you for years.
hmm….good thing for apartment buildings wayyyyyy up high.
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Laughing… ” screw them – they don’t have carpenter ants in their pants.” !! Ok….ummm…I want none of these things in my PANTS !!!! But thank you for the tips 🙂
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Carpenter ants are large and have nasty pincers!!
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Sounds like the Australian 1 inch Bull Ants which can bite with large pinces but also very painfully sting (repeatedly). Another pull the pants down immediately time.
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Yes – you should send a photo!! Today Josh got a scorpion in his shirt and it STUNG him – of course – I did not scream!! Read previous posts to find the funny in this one!! Thanks for stopping in – tell us all about creepy crawlies!
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Field tips;
Tape over your belly-button, once some seeds get i there you cannot pull them out with a lot of pain, particularly wild rice
Blouse the bottoms of your trousers with a band, DO NOT tuck them in yo8r boots, just makes a wonderful funnel.
Tape pet flea collars around the outs side of your bloused trousers.
Wash all of your field gear in non-perfumed soap
Flying no-seee’ms and other winged pests, smoke cigars
Cheers;
Dan Eliseuson
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I especially like the fact that you included so many new ways to stay sane!! Thanks for sharing – maybe consider adding more to some other posts! I love the way you think. Thanks for stopping in and making it more fun and worthy!
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If you take a shower right when you get back from the field, there’s a good chance you’ll knock of the chiggers before they settle in. Even brushing your arms, legs, and stomach will help. But those b-stards will drive you nuts. I ran into a swarm the night I got back from my honeymoon. I counted 200 bites. Now I know too much about chiggers.
Also, nail polish also doesn’t help – it’s a wives’ tale – they are already gone and it just makes you even itchier.
The itchiness is actually their vomit dissolving skin cells that they were eating. But they aren’t there any more chewing on you or hanging around.
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My advice – DON’T look on the internet about Chiggers – you will be disgusted – they are not “gone” – it’s a nasty business they do so just pretend you have some mysterious bug bites and suffer without any additional information – I was totally grossed out when I got an education on Chiggers!! Weird thing is – I get bites in the same spots!
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Proactive
Get some sulfur dust or “flowers of sulfur.” About $8 from any druggist although they may not have it in stock. One place on the Net sells “Sulfur Sublimed Powder USP – 12 oz” for $11. Shouldn’t take more than a week to ship in. It’s a yellow dust-like, flour-like powder. Rub it on your skin under the top of your socks, around your pants at boot top level, under your waist band, under your bra. Chiggers like to dig in under a tight places so whereever you have a clothing restriction rub the dust. Redbugs hate the sulfur and will not cross it or stay on you.
Reactive
Buy some lye soap; the Cracker Barrell chain of store/restaurants sells it and they’re all over the country along interstates. Cut the bar into about 4 chunks. Put them in sealed baggies. 1 in your office bathroom; 1 in your home bathroom; 1 in your company truck; the last in your field backback. If you get bit, put a drop or two of water (sweat works as well) on the lye chunk. Circle your finger until the soap makes a paste from the water. Dab the paste on the bite location. Kills the chigger/red bug and also relives the itch.
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Yay – thanks….I will be going to Chigger Place tomorrow and was not looking forward to having chiggers!! Now I am not so worried….thanks for popping in – hope you enjoy.
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Had a chance to try the dust or soap yet?
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Not yet but will! We will spend two weeks or more in the wilds soon and I will have my lye soap with me!! I am gonna put it in a mesh bag hangin on my hip!!
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This was hilarious! I once found a ketchup packet in my pants after a steamy date.
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Gosh, I have no advice for you but thanks for the very interesting info. We only get ticks and fleas here.
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All I can say is oh my! oh my! It has been so long since I ventured into the great outdoors and now the memories are all flooding back. 🙂
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Get up and get back out there – it’s good for your soul!! Thanks for stopping in!
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Chicks,
I don’t have time to read all your comments so this may have been suggested already. In the mountains of NC where I grew up we were told to put a little dab of nail polish on each chigger bite. I don’t really know if it works but might be worth a try. Of course, I would recommend clear polish. 🙂
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Actually nail polish does NOT work – but it does dry the bite out! I am so happy you stopped in! Try the lye suggestion as I will – bar of lye soad in your backpack, wet finger rubbed onto said soap then on bite – should work!
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Ah, chiggers…I know them well. My parents have some land that we go to periodically and the first time I went there during the summer I came back with something like 70 chigger bites on my legs. It was an itchy nightmare. The best part is that even after the itching stopped, the marks didn’t go away for months. I would go to the gym wearing shorts and wonder why people were staring at my legs. Oh, that’s right, I look like I have chickenpox or some other contagious disease.
Even better was when my dad decided Raid is equivalent to bug repellent and sprayed it all over his ankles to prevent getting chiggers. It’s not the same at all. He learned his lesson.
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I am laughing and feeling your pain at the same time – I work with some guys who have sensitive skin (names withheld) they look like hell when they get into them!! Thanks for the funny itching moment from your life! Makes it better if we all know we all look the same level of crazy with all those red bumps!! Hope you enjoy! Thanks for stopping in.
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Pretty great post. I simply stumbled upon your weblog and wanted to say that I’ve truly enjoyed surfing around your weblog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing in your rss feed and I hope you write once more very soon!
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Romancing the great outdoors…even buggy pants somehow seem more an attraction than otherwise when you write of them. I enjoyed your rather short list of pants guests to expect; you might add lizards and small snakes if one forgets to fold and/or store said pants carefully on going to sleep…(expert testimony here)
However, seems to me the romance is in the observer, not the outdoors which regularly kills its share of careless or ignorant folk just like the cities do. Best learn one’s way around in either one, right?
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Cover of the January 1952 issue of “Flying Safety” magazine (USAF) – “Aviation in itself is not inherently dangerous but like the sea, it is terribly unforgiving of any carelessness, incapacity, or neglect.” Source is Capt. A.G. Lamplugh of British Aviation, Inc., Ltd.
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I can’t quite make the connection, but it is an interesting quote! Thanks for visiting!
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Original poster said:
“However, seems to me the romance is in the observer, not the outdoors which regularly kills its share of careless or ignorant folk just like the cities do. Best learn one’s way around in either one, right?”
. . . and I only meant to point out that the sea/aviation has the same risk relationship for the careless or unprepared as does the city/woods risk relationship.
Another aviation saying: “The more firma, the less terra.” Some people are only happy on solid ground. Put them in marsh, mud, or water and the fear factor goes up.
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We certainly don’t recommend you just jump out of the high rise window and into the jungle but a nice local park is a nice start. Get a field guide and learn what the plants are in your neighborhood, look up a bird you saw, take a closer look at the creek near your house and go to the USDA website and learn what an SVAP is. Learn why, see how, know what and what NOT – then go get em!!
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