How Jacque Got Her Groove Back

I know – I know – you’re saying, ”What the….? Where is Jacque anyway?” Well, folks, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you….but I’m gonna try anyway. I have been on a whirlwind journey of insanity!

The year started with the Sun N Fun Fly In – where I volunteered for over 7 days! Whew….then straight into the Up Up And Away Balloon Festival volunteering…..then BAM – right into a 6 day trip out west to adventure in the wilds. YUP – I have been busy as a bee.

The whole point of Chicks With Ticks is to empower and encourage others to have adventures and be brave and all outdoorsy and stuff – HOWEVER, even the best of us get caught up in the habits and events of everyday life. So, I want to give you a few tips on how to get your GROOVE BACK and get out there…

First – Stop what you are doing RIGHT NOW – I mean it….right now stop. Put your hands in your lap. Imagine something nearby that seems fun to do or has interested you but you haven’t taken the time to do it.

Second – Go take a shower – get dressed – AND DO IT.

It starts with a step – just one step. And, while you are basking in the happiness and positive vibes you feel when you go do it – think of a slightly larger adventure. It doesn’t have to be hiking the Grand Canyon (which I did!). It can be going to a state park you haven’t visited.

Last – I want you to share your adventure with others – yes – share share share – tell them all about the good and the bad and the in between. Get them excited about your newly found sense of adventure – AND IT WILL SPREAD!!

SO, before you reply to that email, or post that snarky remark on Facebook or watch that kooky TikTok – Go do something fun. Have an adventure – and spread the spirit.

Next time, I’ll share about my life changing trip out west!

Pretty Dirty…

I know what you’re thinking, ”hey, Jacque, What happens when function meets fashion?” Well, I am here to tell you all about it. You all know what a fashionista I am in my snake boots and pigtails. It’s a gift, what can I say?

Well, after spending the last 20 years in the wilds of Florida (and other long reaching locales), it has become apparent that we need to confess our fashion sins. Kristen and I spent many a day wandering and studying the secret cracks of the Florida swamps in….wait for it……wait for it……..wait for it……..

MEN’S CLOTHING AND BOOTS

That’s right folks. I even wear men’s underwear in the field. It’s been a long standing secret that we tromp around in the woods wearing men’s wear. You may ask us why. You may ponder what that even looks like. You might just think to yourself that we are weird anyway so it makes perfect sense.

Well, it’s for very practical reasons I assure you. Men’s pants have deep pockets. Men’s boots are taller. Men’s underwear don’t show your bum when bugs run up your pant leg. Men’s shirts have more function and less fancy. In short – men’s clothing are better suited for what we do.

What am I gonna do about it? Keep wearing it? NOPE. We are beginning to design a lone of outdoor apparel with the functionality for women who work in the water and wilds. What the heck…we have nothing else to lose. Lost keys falling out of shallow pockets in my girlie pants – ripped many a girlie shirt, got bitten and chased in girlie boots…..it’s about time we fixed this!

So, keep your eyes and ears open for what’s to come….a line of outdoor & work clothes for women who get wet and dirty. If you know us, you know they will be badass. Now, stop reading my blog and get out there and be adventurous – GO ANYWHERE.

Where’s Your Sense of Adventure?

I know I know you’re saying Jacque where the heck of you been? We’ve been sitting here waiting for you for such a long time. Well I’m back and I’m ready for a new Batcha crazy adventures and I’m here to tell you that you should buckle up.

So I know you were all strapped in your La-Z-Boy chairs self quarantined and just dying to get out of that place waiting for the coronavirus to take over the world. Either that or you’re waiting to run on toilet paper and you’re trying to already figure out what you’re going to use next.

So,I’m here to remind you that even though you’re trapped inside your house with your crazy kids or your weirdo parents but there’s still a way for you to find adventures and create exciting explorations experiments and general crazy hoopla.

The first thing I want you to do is think about your first pillow fort and how now, that you’re a grown-up, you can do that stuff much better in fact I’ll bet if you put your mind to it you can build the best damn pillow fort ever now! One that you could really be proud of.

Secondly, think about all the kooky concoctions you thought of making as a kid. Slime, gooze, mud pie, invisible ink. Google that sh!t and get it done! I dare you!!

Thirdly, the parks aren’t closed. Trails are still open and it’s free! Pack a Sammy, and go find something wild in the forest. Check out a nearby lake. Kayak, hike, get some sunshine and explore.

Lastly, make everything an adventure. Eat dinner with no hands, have a dance contest, play board games, get out Uno or cards. Make even more fun and create a fun family ducuventure..,,that’s right show other families how it’s done! Dare them to share theirs.

Whatever you do, keep it fun and all adventurey (yeah I made up a word so what). Don’t let this virus take away your fun. You show this virus how we handle adventure!

The Fog

I know you are saying, “Jacque, where the hell have you been?” Well, I’ve been all over the damned place and I’m here to tell you I am tired of squirelling around. I’m here doing the same thing I have always been doing – loving the wilds of Florida.

Today, I’d like to share with you my opinion about FOG. I spent the morning in it. I drove in it, hiked in it, did paperwork in it, had tailgate meetings in it, spotted deer in it, and generally took some amazing pictures in it.

But I want to tell you something about fog that may surprise you….IT’S WET! Yes, I know, you are shocked – speechless even to learn this fact. Yep – it’s made of PURE WATER. Of course, fog is tiny droplets of water that get all over you. You can’t avoid them. The darned things are swirling all over the place in the morning sun. They light on cobwebs from the night before, they collect in your hair, they pool on leaves of smartweed, and make it feel like you’re breathing clouds. 

So, here’s what I think you should do if it’s foggy out and you have to wander around like an ologist…

1. First and foremost – stay calm. It will not harm you in any way. Well, I guess it can harm you indirectly when you slip in the wet grass or clay, and you fall on your butt, which then becomes covered in slimy mud, which you forget is there when you sit in your truck and make a huge nasty mess.
2. Fog hides important things. Yes – things like oncoming vehicles, huge trees, and depending on how dense – buildings. Be safe, go slow, use caution. Especially if you are busy thinking about the panther tracks they found near your work site and are goofy trying to spot a panther and instead spy a group of doe staring at you through the fog like you’re an alien.
3. You will get wet! Yes – I know it seems tiny and harmless but IT’S SLY. Fog is so small that it wraps you in it’s false sense of comfort and you wander around in the wet grass and never even realized that slowly, softly, it is covering you in a dampness that penetrates every square inch of your clothes – and if it’s cold – you will slowly get colder and damper until you just look like a soppy frigid freak! And the paperwork that you are carrying turns floppy and it becomes nearly impossible to write on.
4. It’s beautiful. Yes – it forms sparkling prisms on the tips of leaves reflecting the sunrise so clearly. If you peer closely – the whole world is inverted in one droplet of gathered fog making it seem like you’re in another world. It lines up on last night’s spider webs and creates pearls of crystals that fascinate and captivate. If you turn toward the sun it creates rainbows that frame the backdrop and make it seem so purposeful that your breath catches in your chest and you forget that you are standing in mud, in the middle of a weird pond, nowhere in particular, trying to follow a five foot tall Hispanic man with an infectious smile who always makes your day better.

So, with those tips, I have the utmost confidence that you will now be better equipped to handle yourself in the fog. Of course, be safe, lights on, speed slow, eyes open. But don’t forget, it’s just fog, it’s no excuse not to get out there and GO ANYWHERE!!!

I miss mud…

I know, I know, you are saying, “but Jacque, how the hell can you miss mud?”. Well, anyone who knows me knows that I love mud. I love everything that involves getting muddy. I love everything (well MOST everything) that lives in and around mud.

 

I am going back to the MUD!

I will be  working with Ground Level out of Bowling Green, FL and boy oh boy am I excited. It’s been a while since I got to practice being a super nerd so I am really looking forward to working with them.

What will I be doing? Duh!!! The same stuff I always have with a few little twists. I will be learning about blueberry farming, managing projects that are construction related, playing with fire, slogging through wetlands, working on some secret experiments (bwahahaha evil laugh) and generally running around the wilds of Florida and

the United States BEING A SUPER NERD.

So, stay tuned for some new adventures, stories, and hilarious escapades. And, meanwhile, GET OUT AND DO….ANYTHING!!!

What the…

Kai takes a break while doing a fish survey.

Well, that’s right. I know all of you are probably saying, “Jacque, where have you been? What amazing things have you seen?” Well, I’m here to tell you that I have seen some doozies!

That’s right, I’ve just spent three months in south Florida in MIAMI. I have seen some amazing and some horrific things. I do want to preface all this with – the typical – HEY SILLY – THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN!

Yep, Miami is actually north Cuba – which isn’t a bad thing at all. You probably think the traffic sucks, people are rude, no one speaks English, and it’s hot and everyone looks like a super model.

NOPE – the traffic is an awesome raceway each day, the people are warm and friendly, Spanish isn’t really that hard and people are patient, and most people look just like you and me.

The Keys were amazing, the everglades are awesome, the marshes and wetlands are definitely different. But, what I noticed more than anything is what’s the same. The wilds of South Florida are just as beautiful as ours. There are, of course, no streams to speak o

Jacque takes a break during a fish survey.

f. Ditches replaced any natural sloughs and creeks long ago to make way for agriculture.

But there are beautiful dahoon wetlands, sawgrass marshes filled with little killifish, and beautiful beaches and places to catch you fish dinner.

Hey – don’t take my word for it. Get out there – GO ANYWHERE. Oh yeah, and check out The Florida Adventure Company on Facebook. Let me come speak to your class or club. I’m dying to share!

Fall Fell

Source: Fall Fell

Fall Fell

Well, I know you are all sitting there with wrinkled brows saying, “What are you going to be for Halloween?” That’s exactly what I was thinking. It’s so funny how connected we all are!

You all know how spontaneous I am. So I thought it would be fun to go over some costumes ideas and talk about how this Halloweeney thing is all going down!

Here’s my amazing list of DIY costumes for weirdos and adventurers like us:

1. A tree – yep, spray some adhesive on some old clothes (not while you’re in them dummy – that’s just silly) and shove them into that crappy pile of leaves that have been sitting since the day after the friggin hurricane. VOILA’ – you are a tree. I can’t tell you your species – that will depend on where you live and what kinds of leaves you raked….if you just said screw it – like I did – and mowed over all your leaves, I am quite sure your neighbor, you know the one who never rakes his yard, will let you have a few.
2. A Scientist – heck yeah – I did this one year and the effect was awesome – so tease or mess up your hair (assuming you have some) and put leaves and plastic bugs from the dollar store in there. You can use live ones but that will be sooooo complicated and hard to explain….plastic is better. rub brown makeup on your face so you  look dirty. Yes – we environmental nerds get pretty dirty. Find some fake blood and make it look like you have done the wetland delineation from hell! When people ask what you are – say “I didn’t have time to dress up – I just had a hard day in the field” – this cracks em up.
3. Nerd – sadly this one is easier for some of us than others. Admit it – some of us look like nerds already – and if you are lucky and are one of the beauties in the field – here’s what you do: get glasses with no lenses (unless of course you already wear glasses in which case you should probably keep them on for safety and just nerd them up with some white tape), Wear a shirt that’s too small, pants too short, carry around a pencil and a field book and pretend to collect data on each person you meet and draw them. Ask nerdy field questions and use words like morphology, hydraulics, biodiversity, data manipulation….ah crap, I just realized I do that most days! Anyway – fun thing is – you will have a record of all the freaks you met. It’s easier to figure out what kind of night you had if you are drinking and Ubering….lol
4. Baby bird – this one takes a bit more prep. Take an inner tube (inflated of course – this costume will NOT work with a floppy black inner tube – and it’s sad that I feel I need to add that!) hot glue sticks to it (don’t ask me what kind or any details – I provide the ideas people). Make it look like a nest. If you don’t know what a nest looks like – Google it (lol). Take an old shirt, use the adhesive (like in number 1) and put feathers from the craft store all over it. You can get a bald cap from the costume store pretty cheap – bring gummy worms with you – and just squawk a lot all night and make other people feed you worms – lol. This one just made me laugh out loud….yeah – I’m a cheap date!
5. Mother/Father Nature – well, I had to let the guys on this one too although it doesn’t work as well. Just rub sparkly green paint all over your nude body. Do NOT use any paint that isn’t made for your body stupid. Then – take bathing suit bottoms (yeah I hate to tell you sexy but summer is over and the chances of you ever wearing the same swim suit is rather slim so suck it up and glue moss or something naturey (yeah I just made that word up so what) all over the bottoms. As for the top – if you are a guy – who needs one. If you are a girl, well I advise using an old bra or top and doing the same with glue and naturey (STOP – I know it’s not a real word) stuff all over it. Face – green glittery stuff….just look generally green, sparkly and pompous. I imagine Mother/Father Nature is rather pompous – and, if they happen to read this and are offended, you do now know where I am! It’s not nice to fool with Mother/Father Nature!! (lmao)

If you haven’t figured out a costume by Halloween, chances are that you read this and realized you already have a costume – be YOU….and when people ask who or what you are just make up some nerd sciency (yeah – a new word again but you get it – don’t hate) explanation about your Halloween project.

I hope you all enjoy fall. It’s one of the nicest times of the year to me. Lots of good weather for exploring and adventuring. So, get out there and see something cool. Go find some inspiration for your costume.

Tut tut Pooh, looks like rain

Well, there you all are wondering what the hell is going on. You’re probably saying, “Jacque, we almost gave up on you. What’s going on?” I’m here. I always have been. But the truth of the matter is just this simple – HEY _ I’M A REAL LIVE PERSON AND LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS SOMETIMES.

Good news is, I know the recipe for lemonade – I also know how to stick lemons in my bra so it makes my boobs look bigger, or how to squeeze those lemons in the faces of my enemies! So, here we go.

It all starts with a problem. Of course, as a scientisty type gal, I usually love this part – it’s the part where I get to be creative, intuitive, intelligent, heroic, and cool. But this time – not so much. You see, I like problems that have solutions. It seems that, so far as I know, the problems life can throw don’t always have solutions. Sometimes you just gotta ride the thing out, take the hits, and walk away with the bruises and wisdom that you’re made of some pretty tough stuff.

So I wanted to share with anyone (I’m sure we all know someone like this) who is having a life problem that seems to have no solution and no end in sight.

1. Be a man (well, not literally, but figuratively – we know women are stronger lol)
2. Once the crisis is over – it won’t hurt so much – if it does, you are probably fooling yourself and it’s not quite over – brace yourself
3. There are legal ways to make people disappear – seriously – of course they all involve lots of money but hey – you never know right
4. Not everything is your fault – even if other people say so – what the heck do they know anyway
5. Yoga – Yogi – or YoYo – any one of these three things will either relax you, screw with your mind, confuse you until you forget your problems, totally baffle you, or keep you entertained until the damned string gets all wonky and it won’t go up and down like it used to and the problem passes
6. Think of worse things that have happened – unless of course this makes you feel worse – in that case – refer to number 6
7. Ask for help or support – you’re really not alone. Well, you can always email or message me if you are alone and I will apologize for number 7
8. Break the problem up into smaller problems – I know this sounds crazy, but once you do this – some of the smaller ones become solvable and then the main problem smaller – this is a trick I learned from being in the wilds so long….then you can always ignore the leftover problem – leave it for someone else to solve when they take over your job lol
9. Deny there is a problem – Oh, no, this won’t help but it does delay the inevitable…refer to number 6 again
10. Suck it up Buttercup – best advice ever from my dear Mr. Jeff Davis – all time champion of telling it like it is

So, I know this might not solve all the problems, that’s not my job lol. That’s your job….and believe it not, rule number 10 is the quickest way to get through it – of course, number 6 is still my all time favorite.

If you want, print this list out and post it near the copier, engine of your old car, laundry room, Dr. office, dramatic family member’s Facebook – or wherever you think it will do the most good…..of course, as always – One last resort – go outside, take a deep breath, Hey sucker – you’re alive!

Oh, those are just red ants in my pants.

I know, I know, you are thinking, “Jacque, you are covered in ants. Shouldn’t you be jumping around like a freak?” No, I shouldn’t. You know why? I am a man! No not really, I am only covered from head to toe in red ants.

Native red ants and not fire ants. You know WHY I am covered in red ants to include inside both my pant legs? I am happy. Why am I happy? That’s a great question. You see I know you are expecting some insightful, poetic, deep and meaningful answer. You want to hear all about how a life event has changed me or made me ponder life and it’s meaning once again.

Phooey! Screw life and its meanings. I just got to tromp in the woods. Simple. It’s been a freaking long week already. Once of those weeks that makes you really think about whether or not to come home FROM the woods. I really wanted to say to the team I was with, “Hey worky pants, I am going to just hang out here for a few days until mother nature stops pissing on me. I will catch you all later – ants and all!”

But instead, I left the cool damp woods next to the small river. I turned my back, once again on what I know is right. I walked out the scarred surveyor’s path and went on about my grown up business. Left behind was the healing sounds of the woods. The soft voice of the river calling to me like it always does.

I could have stayed you know. Could have laid there on the banks of that river and solved all of my life’s puzzles. I should have stayed in the poison ivy and vine-covered trail that would hide anything. It would have hidden my furrowed brow, my tired eyes, my unshed tears. It would have hidden my doubt and expectations of myself.

It would have been easier. The coward’s way. But instead I stood in the bright sunshine. It is apparent I have a hangover, it’s obvious something is amiss, but you know what?

Nothing worth having is easy!